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What do I do if my mother/sister/aunt/cousin/niece/friend has been raped?

This is by no means a comprehensive list. However, here are some of the basic ways you can support your relative or friend if she has been raped:

If she comes to you for help immediately after the rape:[4]

  • Ensure that she doesn’t wash herself as it could wash away evidence.
  • Accompany her to the hospital Emergency Room or the police station immediately – whichever is closest.
  • Help her fill in all the required forms.
  • Request for a female doctor or police officer to attend to her if she is too traumatised to speak.
  • Contact the nearest women’s shelter or rape centre for support and advice on what to do next.

Other ways of providing support:

  • Don’t blame and never judge her – be supportive.
  • Help her get counseling sessions with a professional.
  • Accompany her to counseling sessions should she request it.
  • Accompany her to follow-up check-up appointments with the doctor.
  • Remind her that it was not her fault in any way. She did not ask for it.
  • Be a patient listener. Let her tell you the story, or if not, just be there for her.
  • If she is experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder, make it a point to check in on her regularly to ensure her safety and prevent suicide.
  • If she has children or other dependents, offer to babysit them when she has to go to court, to the counseling session or the doctor’s appointment.
  • Support her when she files charges against the perpetrator.
  • Accompany her to the court trial/hearings if the case is brought to court and should she request that you do so.

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Sources:
  1. Adapted from Sarah Buel, Esq., in “Courts and Communities: Confronting Violence in the Family,” Conference Highlights, National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges, 1994
  2. “Preventing Domestic Violence” by Laura Crites in Prevention Communique, March 1992, Crime Prevention Division, Department of the Attorney General, Hawaii
  3. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
  4. Adapted from Women’s Aid Organisation Malaysia
  5. Iranian and Kurdish Women’s Rights Organisation, United Kingdom Foreign and Commonwealth Office, Women’s Aid UK