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When President Jimmy Carter died in December 2024, the world lost a humanitarian who spent his life in service. The world also lost an influential male role model who unequivocally supported women’s rights. His decades-long efforts in advocating for the end of violence against women (VAW) even led him to leave his church, despite being a devout Christian his whole life, because they had refused to correct their misogynistic ways.

He was a feminist male ally who walked his talk when it came to supporting the rights of women and girls at a time when so very few male public figures did.

We need more positive male role models like him, both in the public eye and in community spaces and the privacy of the home. Studies have shown that having positive male role models in families and communities can help reduce VAW. Men who practice and model positive masculinities can facilitate the replacement of unequal gender norms with gender-egalitarian ones and act as an effective counterweight and dismantling force against toxic masculinity that upholds and uses VAW as means of controlling women and girls.

However, with the rise of social media, the patriarchy has gone digital. Sexism, misogyny and toxic masculinity are going viral through the backrooms of Telegram, TikTok and Reddit, and infecting more boys and young men than ever. The #MeToo era exposed many celebrity men as abusers, sexual harassers and rapists, including Joss Whedon, Bill Cosby, Neil Gaiman and Justin Baldoni, who were previously held up as positive – even feminist – male role models. Even as #MeToo gave an online voice to the truth and pain carried by millions of VAW survivors worldwide, the patriarchy responded with a severe virtual backlash in the form of the Manosphere with its violent poster boys, like Andrew Tate, who promote VAW among their male followers while spreading sexism and misogyny to boys as young as 10.

This deluge of toxic masculinity, sexism and misogyny flooding everyone’s screens, combined with the unveiling of so many high-profile male feminist allies as wolves in sheep’s clothing, begs the question:

Where have all the positive male role models gone?

The short answer is: They still exist and we still need them in the fight to end VAW. But many of them are a work-in-progress and we need to recognise the difference between genuine male role models and faux male feminists.

Kim Nam-Joon – A Case Study in Setting the Bar For Men and Deciding Who Qualifies as a Positive Male Role Model

During the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence in 2024, The Pixel Project included Kim Nam-Joon (better known by his stage name RM, the leader of BTS, the biggest K-Pop group in the world), in the 5th edition of our honour roll call of male role models because he had been setting a good example for years by actively working on his own internalised sexism and misogyny. He started with taking accountability for misogynistic lyrics in some of BTS’s early songs by consulting a women’s studies professor about his lyrics, then motivated his agency to make gender sensitivity training mandatory for all their artists. He also used – and continues to use – his influence to boost the voices of women in the Arts, be they painters, musicians or authors. He has been doing the work without fanfare for the most part and without using it to further his career.

Our male role model article went viral when a media outlet that covers K-Pop found it and shared it on Twitter/X.  To date, that tweet has garnered 19.5 million views. The news spread not just on Twitter/X and major social media channels but also through K-entertainment media outlets and even a radio show in Qatar.

Kim Nam-Joon’s recognition kicked off a flurry of online comments and debates among BTS fans and K-Pop stans about why male role models are important and what makes a good role model. Many K-Pop fans criticised his inclusion, some arguing that it is an example of the bar for men being so low that he is being praised solely for not being a misogynist.

The naysayers are correct that the bar for men is extremely low: men are praised for not raping a drunk woman in their vicinity; for not hitting their wives; for not catcalling women and girls walking by them on the street… the list of bare minimum behaviour is endless.

For Kim Nam-Joon and ALL the male role models we have highlighted over the years, we set the bar high – they must show a track record of pushing back against misogyny, sexism and/or VAW. Also taken under consideration are the actions they have taken to empower women in any number of ways, including amplifying women’s voices, championing women’s healthcare, helping women escape abuse, bridging the gender pay gap in their industry and so on.

Our biennial male role model lists have included men from extremely patriarchal countries that are hotbeds of VAW, including Kenya, India, Iran, Brazil and the Democratic Republic of Congo, hence we also take cultural context into account when deciding whether to honour a male role model. The one thing these men have in common is that they have swum against the current of the patriarchal norms of their countries and cultures to champion healthy masculinities, challenge misogyny and use whatever skills and privileges they have to support the rights of women.

While Kim Nam-Joon’s actions may seem like common human decency to people in Western countries where feminism has progressed further, in conservative countries such as South Korea where feminism is a four-letter word, he has gone beyond the basics. In fact, even though he has not declared himself a feminist or male ally, he was the only male idol blacklisted by an anti-feminist website as a “verified feminist” and publicly excoriated for it online.

He is perhaps the closest example South Korea currently has to a positive public male role model of his stature who uses his influential platform to support women. He has shown that it can be done consistently even within a culture that once elected a blatantly anti-feminist president, is attempting to dismantle its Ministry of Gender Equality, and is hostile to anyone seen as supporting feminism and women rights.

Could he do more and do better? Yes, he could.

(And we hope he will).

Does he drop the ball sometimes? Yes, he does.

However, he takes measures to apologise, make amends, and correct course when he is called out (often publicly).

And this is perhaps one of the key traits of men who are positive male role models – the willingness to learn, change, grow and act in defiance of the patriarchy that has given them so many unearned privileges.

Faux Male Allyship, Men Doing the Bare Minimum, and Why Perfection is the Enemy of the Good

One of the consequences of the ever-increasing number of cases of seemingly feminist male allies being revealed as predators and abusers is the growing scepticism of feminists and women’s rights activists toward any man who presents himself as an ally; they’ve simply seen too many self-proclaimed “male feminists” use performative male allyship as a way of boosting their progressive credentials while causing harm to women and girls.

These men give credence to the idea that it is pointless to try getting men and boys involved in efforts to advance gender equality, gender equity, and the safety of women and girls worldwide. And their actions diminish hope that men can change for the better and, by extension, that society and culture can change for the better for women and girls.

The concern over faux male allies, while legitimate, has resulted in calls for gatekeeping, including de-centering or excluding men from feminist conversations and activism, or demanding that men jump through hoops and show proof of long-running and consistent support of women before they can be deemed sincere male allies or suitable male role models.

While both approaches to tackling the problem of faux male feminist allies are understandable, they are not ideal given that women cannot stop sexism, misogyny and VAW without the other half of the world’s population participating in dismantling the patriarchy.

Additionally, men still mostly listen only to other men. Furthermore, boys are more likely to adopt a role model of the same gender, making it crucial that they have access or exposure to positive male role models who actively support gender equality and push back against the patriarchy, sexism and misogyny while adopting healthy masculine behaviours.

Conversely, the approach of praising men who do the bare minimum and holding them up as role models is not constructive either.

It is neither constructive nor productive to expect men to be flawless feminists before they can be considered bona fide role models and allies. We are all human after all. Insisting on perfection would mean there would be no male allies and role models at all, which would be a great disservice to efforts to end VAW.

Perfection is the enemy of the good when it comes to male role models (and role models of any gender). What we need is to recognise the men who are works-in-progress – men who are consciously and constantly working on doing better when they know better regarding the patriarchy, toxic masculinity and women’s human rights.

When we talk about male role models, we almost always focus on their ability to show boys and young men how to take action to support gender equality, healthy masculinities and ending VAW. However, an equally important function of a positive male role model is showing other men and boys, by living example, that it is possible to unlearn their patriarchal conditioning and internalised sexism and misogyny.

President Carter was not perfect by any measure, but throughout his life, he was a very human person who did better when he knew better and who put in the work when it came to supporting women in the face of the extremely conservative Southern Baptist church he had belonged to.

Kim Nam-Joon, who grew up on the other side of the world from President Carter and is several generations younger, is also a very human person who does better when he knows better and continues to put in the work when it comes to supporting women’s rights in patriarchal South Korea.

And so this is the bar we should set for male role models – to walk their talk and do the work in lockstep with women to move society and culture in the right direction.

To have such male allies and role models is to bring much-needed hope to the fight to end VAW:

Hope that men can change and that the men who support women’s human rights now are sincere about it.

Hope that we can teach the next generation of boys to grow into non-violent men who see and treat women and girls as their equals.

Hope that we can end VAW for good someday because there will be more and more men who will abandon the gender-driven violence of the patriarchy.

And for these changes to happen, we will need more imperfect but positive male role models like President Carter and Kim Nam-Joon.

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Photo Credits:

1. Top Collage:

Left: President Jimmy Carter – From Wikimedia Commons (By Department of Defense. Department of the Navy. Naval Photographic Center – File:James Earl “Jimmy” Carter – NARA – 558522.jpg, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=8791775)

Right: Kim Nam-Joon – From Wikimedia Commons (By 티비텐, CC BY 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=144235914)

2. Kim Nam-Joon – Photo by Rosie Marks (@MarksRosie – Instagram)

3. President Jimmy Carter – From Wikimedia Commons (By Lauren Gerson – https://www.flickr.com/photos/lbjlibrarynow/13731192015/, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=93270919)